C-Section Stories: Kourtney Roe

1. Briefly, please share the circumstances that led to your c-section birth(s):

I labored for almost 30 hours and never progressed past 7 cm. Due to failure to progress, I had a c-section.

2. What surprised you the most about having a c-section?:

The most surprising thing was how impersonal it was and then my mental reaction to having the procedure. Unfortunately, midwives can’t perform c-sections and I had seen a wonderful set of midwives throughout my entire pregnancy. Although my midwife went with my husband and me to the operating room, it was all very informal. My midwife was the only face in the room that I knew. I still don’t know the name of any of the doctors that delivered my little girl. I honestly couldn’t pick them out of a line up if asked. I remember one woman was short with curly brown hair but other than that I know nothing about my team of doctors.

Then after everything was said and done, I never expected to break down mentally over the procedure and recovery. Crying hysterically because I dropped a pillow on the floor and couldn’t pick it up. Feeling infuriated when my husband had to help me out of bed or hand me the baby, because I couldn’t do it myself. Crying because the positions the lactation consultant would recommend were too painful with my new incision. Grieving, so hard, the fact that my body didn’t do “what it was made to do” and that I didn’t get the birth that I planned and prepared for. I had never felt so happy in my entire life because I had this sweet innocent bundle of joy, but at the same time having her arrival so scarred and tainted by something that is normal and got her into this world safely.

3. What kind of support do you feel you received (from friends, family, healthcare team) after your c-section(s)?:

My friends and family could care less how my child was brought into this world, they just love her unconditionally and don’t understand my feelings toward my c-section. But they listen and console me when needed. My husband is my rock and listens and holds me when my emotions get too strong and reminds me often that I’m the strongest person he knows. My midwife team has been nothing but wonderful - they listen and care in the most amazing way; they have made themselves like family. The team that delivered my baby is not pictured, I don’t even know who they are.

4. What’s your #1 piece of advice/encouragement for a new c-section mom?:

Focus on the positives. As traumatic as my c-section was, there are still parts that are beautiful. Hearing my baby cry for the first time and bursting with tears at the sound of her life beginning, seeing my husband become a father and holding the very first newborn he has ever held in his whole life, my midwife demanding skin to skin while still in the OR and getting to meet our little girl. If you focus on those positives and not on the negatives, that our minds tend to dwell on, your c-section can be a beautiful birth story too. Don’t be afraid to cry - right now, in two weeks, or in five years. It’s okay to have emotions and to let them come out. Honestly, I’m crying right now while typing this. It’s okay and it doesn’t make you less human, or depressed, or weak. It just lets a little bit more of that hurt out every time, and eventually you won’t cry anymore.

5. How do you believe having a c-section birth(s) made you stronger?:

It makes me realize that I am a strong independent woman. I don’t lay down and give up, and that is why I have struggled so much. I don’t do well with rest, but c-sections cause a season of rest at the most beautiful time. Life for me has slowed down at the most perfect time and I have my c-section to thank for making me slow down and enjoy these first small moments. It also showed me that even when I think I have everything under my control, that I don’t and I never will because God has such a bigger plan for me and I am just a player in His masterful game.

Name: Kourtney Roe

Your Business or Profession: Teacher

How to Connect With You on Social Media: @kp_roe